Can’t make this stuff up

Diamonds 18.

I’ve forgotten many things in the course of my nine years as a teacher – names, faces, lesson plans. But there is one type of memory that never fades:

A negative encounter with a parent who you can tell is the type of person who would be rude to their waiter at a restaurant.

I’ve had a handful of said incidents, and I can recall with stunning accuracy the details of each.1 And I expect to be able to until the day I die. Those memories last forever.


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About three weeks from now, nine years ago, was my first day of teaching as a Mav. It was 4th/8th period double block Algebra II. 2

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I used the wrong overhead projector — one that that was only meant to be used with a graphing calculator, not with markers — and it was so dark and muddy on screen that nobody could read anything I wrote. After class, Brian Weaver showed me his Wacom Graphire wireless tablet and Interwrite Workspace, and — if you’ve ever been in my classroom — you know the rest.3

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This week marks the end of semester number 18, and the actual start of year number ten.4 I have no issues admitting that I’ve wondered how much longer I can do this. Spoiler: Just about anybody who has been in one job for seven or eight5 years will start to wonder if there is something else out there for them, and I’m only human. I am no different.

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And if there is any theme that dominates this past week of work, it is this: I am only human.

If anybody reading this has ANY designs about possibly becoming a teacher:

Don’t. Unless you really care about the kids.

And if you do, know that a part of you will feel like a failure every time that you realize that you perhaps might not be good enough to save them all. 6


Nineteen months ago, I packed my bags and headed over to a program where the students had signed up for a teacher who had decided to ride off into the sunset.7 The program I helped bring in was… perhaps a bit more rigorous than what some of the kids had signed up for,8 and as such we were met with a wee bit of resistance. This time around, with a full campaign under the belt, most9 of our students were better aware of what they were getting into.

And of course, things are wonderful.10

Seemingly in the time it takes a butterfly to flap its wings, three semesters as a Dragon have come and gone.


You probably have not noticed,11 but this is indeed my first blog post of the school year. To make up for a little bit of lost time, here is an amusing exchange from the first day of school:

Student: Yeah, this is my first class of the year. I had an off-period last period and I got some food…
Me:Wait… you went and got food… and you didn’t bring me any?!?12
Student: Uh… well… I didn’t know you’d want any. I can bring you some next time. I got it from work.
Me: Where do you work?
Student: Taco Bell.
Me: … … … Yeah don’t bring me any.

And finally: Star Wars Episode VII opens tomorrow. Here’s hoping that it’s the first one in 30-plus years that doesn’t suck.

  1. Many of these were in Season 1 — my first with Pre-AP Algebra II — but a smattering in more recent years bring to mind Arne’s comments about suburban soccer moms… []
  2. Incidentally, Algebra II is not what it was back then. Another story for another book… []
  3. I remember a week or two later, there were three other faculty members observing my class simultaneously — my assistant principal, my department chair, and the teacher whose classroom I was using during the 4th/8th block. I vividly recall a kid pointing out during the lesson on rational functions, “Dude, there are 4 teachers in the room right now.” []
  4. And nine years later, I still haven’t been to the Blanton Museum… []
  5. or nine… or ten… []
  6. Or perhaps that is only for those of us who are cursed with perfectionist’s genes~ []
  7. Yes: insert bizarro poetic justice joke. []
  8. Apparently. []
  9. but of course not all []
  10. Well. Mostly :) []
  11. Don’t lie. []
  12. Keep in mind, this was the very first day of school, and I didn’t even know the kid… []

Shark Attacks

A group of girls having a conversation near my desk this week, talking about horrible ways to die1

(I’m paraphrasing heavily…)
Student #1: I wouldn’t want to go swimming there because then I’d get attacked by a shark and die!
Student #2: Okay, there are actually only an average of two deaths due to shark attacks per year.
Student #1: (Look of lightbulb suddenly turning on…) But there have already been two this year,2 so that means it’s safe for us now!
Me: (Turning to my right, slowly…) Have. You. Learned. NOTHING in this class this year?!?

:)

Hmmm…

conditional_risk

  1. Yes. They were talking about ways to die. It was weird, but to be honest, in all my years of having to listen to girls talk about weird things, this didn’t even crack the top 5 (don’t ask). []
  2. I wasn’t paying close attention to the conversation up to this point so somewhere they must have established that there have been two fatal shark attacks this year thus far. :shrug: []

Today’s sign that the end is near

Yesterday during lunch, a couple of strangers1 came by to take my picture2 and deliver this:

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Teacher Oscars. 3 Apparently that’s a thing here.4

So today, during an afternoon class:

Me: Do any of you guys go to Teacher Oscars?
Students: Why, did you get nominated for something?
Me: Yeah…
Students: What for?
Me: “Most Knowledgable”.5
(cue scattered chuckles…)
Student #1: Hehe, nerd.
Me: [Inhales through nostrils slowly…] Jerk.

End times, folks… end times.

  1. student council members, so student strangers, not adult strangers, just to clarify. []
  2. they also asked what song I wanted. That’s a secret… []
  3. Clever! I mean… there isn’t a teacher alive that does this job for the recognition, but I do think teachers probably deserve more recognition. []
  4. Although you wouldn’t have known, talking to some of my seniors. []
  5. I am secretly convinced that this is one of those things that every teacher gets nominated for, and since they couldn’t find any other potential awards for me, they just pushed “knowledgable” on me… maybe because I’m Asian o_O?! Kidding about that last part… :) []

Teacher Appreciation Week

This pic is from last year, but still appropriate :)
This pic is from last year, but still applicable :)

Of course, I appreciate all of my past school teachers. Here are just a couple of moments that I recall of the top of my head on this Wednesday1 evening.

My 2nd grade teacher, Ms. Okamoto back at Swain Elementary. She forced me to spend half an hour cleaning out my desk2 while the rest of the class was learning social studies on the day of Open House.3

Also to Mr. Petrilla back at Lexington, who for Algebra I4 in the eighth grade, gave us a conic sections bonus problem5 for homework that prompted me to ask my sister that afternoon to mute the TV in the next room for half an hour so that I could access that last four percent of my brain.6 To this day I still remember that being one of the most difficult problems I have ever completed.7

Oh by the way, it’s teacher appreciation week!8


Things heard this past week:

Student #1: Mister Youn, are you going to make us goodie-bags on the day of the AP Exam?
Student #2: He doesn’t really seem like the “goodie-bag” type of guy…
Me: I’m not really sure I know how to make a goodie bag…?
Student #3: Uh… you put goodies… in a bag!9

Also, after one of my classes found out my age:10

Me: When I was a kid in elementary school, I remember…11
Student #1: The Cold War?
Student #2: The Great Depression?!12

Trying to manage this stretch run is a delicate act, to say the least. On one hand, we have a job to do13 yet on the other, most of the seniors have had one foot out the door since Spring Break.14 It’s like coaching a college athlete on a team that’s not making the playoffs during the last week of the regular season when they’ve already signed a big contract with the pros and they have little to play for aside from personal pride. Or something akin to landing a aircraft with two busted engines and bad weather in the middle of a cornfield. The balancing act is a constant game of choosing between the lesser of undesirable outcomes.

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One week left until number five.15

  1. in a hectic week that I keep forgetting what day it is []
  2. sitting in the floor with a waste basket next to me, pulling out old papers and tossing them into that bin. []
  3. I remember the first ten minutes or so feeling shamefully awkward, and after that I just wanted to throw everything away. []
  4. Not a typo. Algebra ONE. []
  5. required completing the square for “x” and “y”! Crazy, right?! I still remember him saying that only one other person figured it out. To this day I wonder if that kid’s parents helped her out with that one… []
  6. That day, it worked. []
  7. Well, for its place in time. Along with perhaps the original TMNT and the sixth level of Ninja Gaiden on the NES. Oh, who can forget world 6-3 on the arcade version of Vs. Super Mario Bros:
    vs super mario bros 6-3 []
  8. Which, again like last year, comes during the first week of AP testing and STAAR testing. That cannot be coincidence… []
  9. Yes, thanks for the clarification :) []
  10. which they somehow didn’t know yet []
  11. I can’t even remember how I intended to finish this sentence. []
  12. And this would be what earned the “Can’t make this stuff up” tag. All productivity essentially ceased after “The Great Depression”. There was no recovery from this one. []
  13. especially with a week to go until the AP Exam []
  14. or, arguably for some, much, much earlier. -_- []
  15. And hanging on by a very thin thread. []

Chop Wood

About ten seconds into today’s lesson:1

Student #1: Have you ever taught ESL?2
Me: What?? No…
Student #1: You’d be good at it.
Me: Why?!…
Student #1: You’re very patient.
Me: Oh… okay. [insert slight pensive pause] Actually… I’m really not; I just act like it in front of you guys…
Student #2:3 So when you go home do you just let it all out and “rraaAAWWwwrrr”4 and like, chop wood? 5
Me: [looking dumbfounded and possessing no idea where to go with that]… okay so, the null and alternative hypothesis for this problem… … …

(oh... chop wood... I see what you did there...)
(oh… chop wood… I see what you did there…)

I am filing this one under “Can’t make this stuff up.” 6


For the ninth time in my teaching life7 I was reminded how brutal it is the first couple of days back from Spring Break.

I mean, brutalbrutalbrutal!.8

Perhaps I found my footing sometime today9 but good night, could we please make Spring Break two weeks long?!

keep-calm-and-karate-chop-10

  1. which was the M&M’s Chi-squared goodness-of-fit lesson []
  2. ESL: English as a Second Language. Not sure we really call it that anymore… []
  3. This particular character is a fast-talker, for context. If you watch “Scandal”, picture highly caffeinated Quinn Perkins. []
  4. yes, this kid literally roared and waved her arms around in psycho karate fashion, to boot. []
  5. WHAT. []
  6. Yes, I created a new category of posts just for this one. []
  7. This is my ninth year of teaching… []
  8. Yes – there’s a factorial at the end of that last nested exponent! []
  9. about the time the above “wood-chopping” conversation occurred — which, for the record, was during my 5th attempt of teaching the same class. -_- []

“Show me your ears.”

Because some of this stuff, you could not make up if you tried.

Context: It is week #13.1 We have two days to go until our first-ever week-long Thanksgiving Break.2

A brief conversation from class this morning as we were about to start our lesson:

Student #1: If we win state,3 will you get a mohawk?4
Me: Uh… no. Pretty sure that wouldn’t look good on me.
Student #2: [Gasp!] You should tie it back in ponytail!5
Me: [Rolls eyes in silence and trying not to smile so as to encourage them…]
Student #3: ooOOooo! You could do a ponytail that goes straight up!!6 And then get your ears pierced!!!
Me: Uh…
Student #4 (who is a football player): Show me your ears.7
Me: WHAT?!?
Student #4: We’ve never actually seen your ears before.8 C’mon, just whip ’em out!9


Somehow I managed a silky-smooth transition from that into a lesson about using the Normal model with combinations of random variables. Don’t ask me how. It just happened.

Turkey week break, please come hither.

  1. Frighteningly, we are about at the halfway mark of the course in AP Stat. It’s darn near impossible for me to believe that even as I type it now. We’re halfway there…. []
  2. So everyone is getting kinda delirious. []
  3. our football team is in the playoffs []
  4. On a side-note, it has apparently become a popular pastime as of late for students to bugger me about getting my hair cut. []
  5. This is another equally foolish notion that seems to be gaining a cult-like following. []
  6. This was from a normally quiet kid who sits in front and doesn’t usually say much, to boot. []
  7. Yes, that sounded as awkward in person as it reads on screen. []
  8. Which is a total lie. My hair was short enough to see my ears as recently as September… []
  9. Yes, again… just as awk-sounding in person as in print. []